A Holy Marriage

 In 2020 something amazing happened. My marriage changed. Something significant happened in the dynamic between my husband and I, and I suddenly became aware of a shift. It was subtle at first. I pondered on it every day for about 4 months. It became all consuming, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I prayed many times asking God what was going on? What was happening? And most importantly-PLEASE, don’t let it stop!

As mentioned, it was about 4 months from when I first noticed a distinct shift to when the Lord answered me. I had settled into a warm bath on a cold December night. I pulled out my phone and began to play a mindless game, as I was playing I was once again thinking about all the changes in my marriage and wondering at it all. I was told by the spirit to put my phone away and ask about it all again. So I did.

I was immediately answered. I was told many things, but the most pertinent to this story is that I was told that my marriage has been sealed for eternity by the Holy Spirit of Promise. I accepted this without too much trouble as I had already come to understand that any ordinance I had participated in previously was only the first step, just a promise of the real thing to come in the future. But I greatly underestimated the implications of what this would mean and how drastically my life would change because of it. 

After I received this answer, and accepted it (accepting it is an important part of my story that I’ll explain in a moment) it seemed as if the heavens had opened to me. I’ve had many beautiful experiences and much wisdom poured into me. I was being taught by God. I learned many things, and a pattern emerged where I would be taught something, then I would come to understand it over the following days and then shortly after that I would come across some information somewhere that would act as a second witness to all of the concepts I was being taught. It happens so often that I have come to trust this process and am not surprised by it anymore.

I wanted so badly to share the beautiful truths I was learning. But I was still a little unsure. Who was I to claim anything so wonderful? What if I was wrong? What if I had somehow imagined or made these experiences up? Etc.

This highlights a truth that perhaps we can explore later, but I want to touch upon it for a moment right now.

When we receive anything from God on the scale of glory, from the smallest, quietest whisper of the spirit- to a glorious vision of The Tree of Life extending so deep into the cosmos that the end cannot be seen…

Well, it requires faith to both receive and to retain these things. There is always “a way out”. The door will always be left open just a little so you can exit if you choose to. You can always explain away any experience. But you shouldn’t. We should open our mind and our heart and allow it to land in a soft, safe space where it can grow and mature and be added upon. We must be willing to receive what God offers us if we hope to receive more.

This is something I have learned. This is part of being like a child. We must accept the things God offers us in faith and humility. There is an innocence that is required for us to be like this. A child like innocence. I have gone through a learning curve of having this innocence as I’ve received much schooling from God and then questioned it, wondered at it, wanting it to be real but lacking the confidence to accept it fully.  I’ve had to learn to subdue my natural man, because that wants to question and distrust everything from God! 

One day after a few months, I was once again speaking to God wondering if and how all of these things I’ve learned could be true because I really, really didn’t want to be deceived, I was told something. 

The Lord said to me: “Why would the devil teach and show you these things? Look at the fruit in your life. In your marriage! This fruit goes directly against EVERYTHING the devil is trying to accomplish. You can trust this. Always look at the fruit.”

 

I’ve tried to take this instruction, to always look at the fruit, to heart. I’ve also learned that it is really important to be honest with ourselves about what our true motive is, to understand that we are all biased and that we must be willing to receive from God without any hidden motives or desires. We must become as little children and accept what God gives exactly as it is given without forcing our own belief, for better or worse, on it.