THE SACRED MARRIAGE

The eternal principle of Consecration to God permeates a truly sacred marriage. If we look at the order of covenants in an LDS temple endowment, we will see that it is impossible to enter into a covenant of consecration(at least in its fullness in the eternities, which is really what the temple is pointing us towards) until a covenant of marriage has been entered into. 

A marriage established by God is meant to bring the fruits of the union not only to the couple, but it is also meant to benefit the world. The fruits of a holy marriage bring what is divine in each partner into greater manifestation, making each one a truer reflection of who they really are. At its most foundational level it is a spiritual bond. (To be very clear, I am NOT talking about the absolute foolishness that abounds with terms like “spiritual wife”, “soulmates”, “spiritual spouse” or anything of the sort that seeks to justify any intimate relationship, emotional or sexual, with anyone except your legal husband or wife) 

To consecrate a marriage is to bring it into accordance, not with two wills but with three, that of the man and woman and that of God. A marriage becomes sacred when it becomes an expression of the desire of each to love and serve God together above all else.

Very few marriages reach this state because it requires two beings in a state of surrender to God. It requires complete commitment to this path, allowing it to take precedence over all worldly things.

And we must not be too narrow in our definition of “worldly things”, this encompasses all things that are not found within a yielding to the Holy Spirit, including: our wills, our habits, our thoughts, our emotions, our hobbies, plus all the physical “worldly”  things that we accumulate.

In a sacred marriage, the goal of serving one’s spouse and the goal of fulfilling one’s own divine purpose are held in the deepest place of the heart and exist in harmony. In cases where these two aspirations seem to be in conflict, it is likely that the ego is having its way instead of the Spirit of God and deep reflection and honesty is needed to distinguish between the two.

A sacred marriage seems to expand in all directions, furthering the work of God and enhancing the divine qualities of each partner so that they become more complete in their expression. The two individuals also become something for each other and for the world that neither could have become as fully on their own. 

This is the nature of a truly spiritual partnership: to recognize the divine within each partner, to assist each other in remembering who we really are, and to extend outward and reflect the goodness of God to the world.

Most couples experience emotional difficulties with each other that make this spiritual partnership of a sacred marriage difficult to attain or maintain. This does not mean that they are not participating in a sacred marriage though. Sometimes such a relationship is present some of the time in fleeting glimpses, but seems to be buried under difficulties the rest of the time. Regardless, in order for a marriage to truly become and remain sacred, both individuals must be willing to subdue their natural man and rise up in the Spirit of God. They must strive to do this even when, or especially when, situations arise that make life difficult. It is only in this way that a truly sanctified marriage can emerge. 

The process of healing that a couple undertakes together is a sacred process. There are often negative emotions that play out between partners that generate ongoing friction and discord with very little of the true nature of either person in view. In this we are revealing our need for healing and growth. 

In an optimal situation, when spouses consciously go through a process of healing and purification individually and together, the unhealed parts of themselves play out in a way that can be observed and worked with, rather than acted out unconsciously.

This, of course, requires a great deal of emotional and spiritual maturity. The mutual desire to raise the marriage to the highest level must be held by both partners, with that ideal held in remembrance by each in the everyday interactions of the relationship. This is not easy. 

Sometimes it is difficult to be conscious. It is difficult to be attentive. We get tired and out-of-sorts. We feel badly about things. We use all of these things as excuses not to be purposeful in our behavior towards each other.  We often act out unhealed aspects of ourselves, over and over at great cost to the relationship. These patterns are indeed costly as there is much effort that must be spent trying to re-stabilize the relationship in the aftermath of our unconscious behaviors.

This process of purification can be a beautiful thing when couples share in it together. They can both become conscious of unhealed patterns in themselves and the other and help each other to learn better ways of dealing with the issues that arise. Prayer and devotion to God are essential for this process to work. Devotion to God and a willingness to yield to the spirit of God in all things is prerequisite in both partners of a sacred marriage. 

Sometimes it appears that one or both partners in a marriage are not interested in raising their relationship to that level. But if they could just sit down with each other and God and really make the deepest possible commitment to each other and to remain together in a life with God, then great learning and joy could take place. 

Marriage is a shared space where both people can learn more about themselves and their relationship with God than they could have done separately. There are certain things about God that can only be learned within a marriage. 

Most couples who come together in marriage do not do so with a higher understanding of who they really are, nor do they really make a commitment to complete devotion to God as part of their union. That usually comes later, with maturity. Hopefully.

As long as people are unconscious about their own higher nature and do not act from that place, they will not be able to see the higher soul of another. This inevitably leads to disappointment when a spouse changes or does not meet expectations and the difficulties of life happen. The high rate of divorce in society reflects our general level of understanding about what relationships involve and who we perceive ourselves to be. 

But when two individuals in a marriage are willing to open their hearts to each other and to God, a deeper awakening will take place. When they are willing to love each other in the deepest possible way and through that love bring something precious into the world, then there is cause for celebration in the heavens and the angels rejoice. There is a victory for God and it is a gift to others who will be blessed by the sacred marriage as their lives intersect and their hearts open to witness the sacred union, which then plants the seed that this can become possible within their own marriage as well.