A Woman's Softness

 A woman’s softness is sacred. It’s alluring. It’s vulnerable. It’s desired.

Most men spend their day out in the world working. For the most part that work requires focus, discipline, and usually not a lot of intimate or soft connection with the people he comes into contact with. When he comes home, he wants peace. That doesn’t mean he has no interest in hearing about his wife’s day or thoughts or feelings, it means he doesn’t want to come home and have to “fight”. He’s been fighting in one way or another all day. He doesn’t want to come home and encounter a hardened, cold and distant woman who feels more like the CEO of a company rather than his lover.

Men, if you want your woman to soften in your presence and trust in your lead, it’s up to you to treat her in a way that supports her softness and inspires her trust.  Men are often unaware of the ways their actions and words close their partner’s heart and shut down her sexuality in the process. 

Ways of communicating that feel casual and humorous to you often feel abrasive and offensive to her softest parts.  If you treat her like a buddy, or co-worker or another guy in general, she’ll become that. She’ll learn to harden herself around you. She’ll stop revealing herself vulnerably. Her heart and yoni will harden with time.

There is of course a time to communicate with each other “alpha” to “alpha”, but it isn’t all the time. The masculine generally appreciates honest critique and challenge, it sharpens him. The feminine softens through praise, not criticism. She opens by being seen, not judged. The masculine grows by leaning into his edge, for example doing something like skydiving to conquer his fear of heights. The feminine grows by taking the next natural step, opening like a flower, one petal at a time. 

I believe that most men have good intentions and want what’s best for their wife. But where men seem to struggle most is communicating with her in a way that opens her rather than shuts her down–a way that encourages her softness, rather than hardening her heart. If you speak to her like you talk to yourself or your friends she will often feel like “she’s not enough” or like she’s “too much”.  You may feel inspired and motivated when you speak harshly to yourself, but she won’t.  Appreciate her sensitivity, don’t mock it or look at it as a weakness. If you want a feminine woman, you must treat her like a feminine woman. 

If your intention is to inspire her trust and have her soften in your presence, then the words you speak must inspire her trust and allow her soften in your presence, right then and there in that moment. If she is hardening with each word you speak, then there is work to be done.

When you protect her softness, she becomes softer in your presence. 

If you cherish her intuition, she becomes wiser the longer you're together. 

When you are willing to see the truth of her heart without shutting her down, her heart and body will open, trusting you more and more with each passing day.

Ladies, if you are like most women, your softness is covered up with layers and layers. This world is not always a safe place for the feminine. Without fail, whenever I have conversations about these things with women, I am always asked: How? How do we tap into our “feminine energy”? What does that even mean?  

The true nature, beauty and strength of the “feminine” is a very foreign concept for most people. 

The feminine energy that I am speaking of is not about looking, dressing or speaking in a certain way. It’s not about loving the color pink and wearing dresses all the time. It is an inner energy, not an outer look. 

Feminine energy is the energy of life. Awakening to your feminine energy is about opening to the fullness of life and experiencing that fullness of life through your body.

I am going to write the next several posts on this blog to women, exploring ways we can awaken and embody our feminine energy. Men, I think you should definitely read what I write. I expect it will be enlightening for you and it will give you a sense of the many things in a woman’s life that shut her down, or at best diminish her emotionally, spiritually, physically and sexually.  And don’t worry, the things I’m going to talk about almost always have nothing to do with you–It’s not your fault! It’s just the nature of this world we live in.