The Sex-Ed you never got, but should have!

Before I begin to take a look at the ways the feminine gets shut down inside of us women, I wanted to speak to you men about this. If your wife begins to start going within and exploring her own sensuality as a woman, it is in your best interest to know how you fit into that exercise.  What role you play, what you can bring to the table. 

I will share with you one of the deepest desires women have from the masculine. One of the biggest gifts you can bring to your woman, it is what we crave from you, what we need from you, what we desire from you.

Because the absolute truth is that the feminine always wants more. The true feminine nature is chaos, we are not linear like the masculine. And our system will always want more. Our desires are always for more, they’re always so much bigger than what we may be expressing in any given moment–more connection, more intimacy, more closeness, more vulnerability, more depth.

There’s a really beautiful analogy that the feminine is like the ocean and the masculine is the cliff or shoreline. If you think of a wave building and building and building in the ocean, it’s just building and building and when the wave finally hits the shore or the cliff in this massive display-then she exists, then it’s a wave.  Otherwise it’s just this massive amount of water building and building in “moreness’. I love this analogy. And the Yang part, this rock–the cliff or shore…the more you are in your Yang, the more the feminine’s Yin just opens and opens in the presence of the Yang. The photo below demonstrates this beautifully.

So what does this look like in your life? What your gift is that you bring, to your entire life really but I’m going to talk about it in the bedroom, is your ability to handle that building energy no matter what your woman throws at you(I’m not talking about frying pans and shoes!). No matter what she throws at you–the way her body changes and responds, the way she pulls you in, the way there’s more heat and more juiciness, the way emotion comes up, your ability to stay present, your ability to take her there and let her unravel, that is your gift. 

This is where mastery of your sexual energy is so important. I’m actually going to say that this is non-negotiable. This is not optional. If you want to be in a sexual relationship with a woman, it is really non-negotiable that you learn to work with and control your sexual energy. You need to learn to raise your sexual energy up your core and into your brain.

And this is not just for being in a relationship. If we look at the chaos in the world, the chaos of business, of whatever is going on in the world, that is feminine, chaotic, Yin energy. You are cultivating this energy for your life, your employment, for being out in the world. It’s your ability to hold your presence while things are going on all around you. 

Your mastery of this builds trust, we need to know that you are not going to abandon us.  As our emotion is building, as our orgasm is building and building and unfolding and going further and further, especially when we’re looking at internal orgasms- these can feel uncontrollable and wild, they can just go on and on and then it all shifts–you’re absolute gift to us is to be able to handle that as we open and open because this kind of sex can actually be a very healing, spiritual work for us. Emotional and spiritual work is so needed inside of a woman’s physical body. We need to have these deep, deep release moments in these orgasms. 

This is not just about the physical, it is our emotions too. Our systems hold a lot more emotion and chaos than a mans. We’re not linear, we are completely opposite to you and we need to be accepted for that. Just as women need to accept the divine aspect of the masculine that is more straightforward.  In the face of the feminine emotion and chaos, your straightforwardness, your direction is in opposition to that, your ability is to move right through it. 

Let’s take the analogy to traffic. When women are driving they are constantly collecting information, looking in the peripheral–oh a dog is by the road, oh there’s something up ahead, we go out wide and collect all the information(and usually spend a lot of time warning you about all the stuff if you’re the one driving!). A man has the ability to go straight through it. Most motorcyclists are men, not all but most, and the way they weave in and out of traffic and hug the curves is because they are looking straight ahead, focused and aligned. This focus is such a gift and that is what you take to the bedroom.

You’re going to move through all the chaos that’s unfolding. Much of your spiritual work is to raise this energy up, in life not just sex. Your spiritual work is to ascend up. Much of a woman’s spiritual work is to descend, down into our bodies. What you bring to the table with your presence frees our hearts. That is our biggest desire in the feminine is to have our heart freed.  How we behave and operate in our work, in the world, is not how we are meant to operate in our relationship with you. And we women need to feel the difference, we need to feel this shift into the feminine chaotic unraveling. You give so much to your woman when you support this shift, when you can cut through the chaos and provide the presence. 

And so when you are cultivating your sexual energy, when you’re raising this desire, the arousal, the wanting and you raise it up through your core instead of just “going for it”, we women can feel that and then we can feel that we can trust you more. This allows us to relax and open, to pull you further in. Our Yin energy is so responsive to you cultivating and mastering your Yang energy. We need you to take us there. We crave for you to take us there sexually.

Sex is not something that women do, it’s not an act or action. It is a place that we go to. And that strength, that structure, that power that you provide in that place so that we can unfold more and more is so erotic. We feel the truth in our body. We need you to tell us the truth because if you don’t, we feel it and we know it. And that is going to create more chaos, in a negative way.

Always tell us the truth. 

This place that we go to in sex is where we bring our vulnerability, we bring our anger, our emotions, this is where we need more truth showing up. Bring your grief, your fear, your anger–not to be taken out on someone, but to be taken on a journey with one another. We need your vulnerability, which is your truth. Your gift to the feminine is to take her there with your presence, your truth.

One of the biggest gifts you can give to yourself, for your life, for your freedom AND for your wife is to cultivate your sexual energy. You cultivate it so that you are not letting it out too soon. It is a form of abandonment when you ejaculate too soon(I'm not talking just about premature issues, I'm talking about too soon--before we are ready for you to), when there’s this rush in sex so you can have this quick release and escape–this shows up as abandonment in our bodies. And every woman has layers and layers of abandonment in her body, and your gift to her right now as you cultivate and master your sexual energy, is that this abandonment trapped in her body can start to get cleaned up in the bedroom. Sex can be very healing. 

You men bring so much to the table in our world. We need you to be with us in creating a world where we are safe. One thing women need men to understand is that our world is very different from yours. The way that we walk in the street is very different to the way you walk in the street. We need safety in the world and in the bedroom through your presence and awareness. 

And so, if she reads my posts about reawakening her feminine energy in a more full, sensual way and starts to practice this in her body, she’s going to need you to meet her there in this way.