Do You Make Love Like a Man?

Do you make love like a man?

Does it really matter how we make love, like spiritually? Does God care how we navigate this part of our relationship? I’m not talking about abuse and disrespectful behaviours, it is a given that that does not please God. I’m talking about how we generally do it. Our habits. 

I expect that a lot of women make love like a man.

And I think that this actually matters a lot. If God is male and female bound inseparablely together as One, then they are the masculine-feminine parts of one whole come together. Sex is the culmination of our ability to be One with our spouse in a mortal body. How we do it matters. 

Masculine arousal and feminine arousal are drastically different from each other and for good reason. They are complementary and together create a richer and more profound and Godly experience. 

God commands a man to leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife and become one flesh with her. 

Having sex, does not make you One or Godly. Becoming One means uniting more than just your bodies, it requires uniting your souls as well as your bodies. 

To do that requires both parties to be very conscious and purposeful in their interactions with each other. 

How we have sex is a learned behavior. And most of us were never taught how to do it properly. Never taught how to do it in a way that connects our body and soul, uniting us with our spouse in such a profound and intimate way that it is as though we are able to bring a part of God into our entire marriage relationship, including the sex. 

I believe THAT is what God is talking about when he commands a man to become One flesh with his wife…to actually unite in a way that opens the heavens to you a little more. 

So, back to the point of this post, does it matter if a woman is taking a masculine approach to making love instead of a feminine approach? I think it matters a lot. There is, of course, a lot of room to be playful in sex and we can all explore masculine and feminine energies. But at the end of the day a woman is a woman and a man is a man and they are different from each other and they are nurtured in different ways.

Women are especially taught and conditioned to be accommodating, to override their own desires or boundaries to make someone else happy. This is not always bad, of course, but it is “bad” when it is done unconsciously or in a way that ultimately causes resentment. 

So let’s explore a few ways that most women are generally making love so you can start thinking about if this is happening in your relationship and what the implications of that are. 

Most women nowadays are having sex like a man in that it is fast, goal-driven, surface-oriented because that is what we are taught sex should look like. But it is completely out of sync with our natural feminine sexual rhythms. 

Behaving in stereotypical male-like ways in bed is more of a survival adaptation, not a natural erotic response for a woman. We abandon our bodies, our pleasure, our needs and our boundaries. 

So let's consider the ways that many women get stuck in a learned sexual response rather than allowing her body to lead her.

#1 You rush yourself into arousal instead of letting it rise naturally. You think you should be dripping with desire in two minutes–when your feminine body was designed for slow ignition, not instant combustion. 

#2 You allow your body to be penetrated before it is ready. Usually you do this because of the next issue.

#3 You feel guilty for wanting more. More touch, more time, more tenderness, more non-sexual touch. You shame yourself for wanting it. For needing it–as if your needs are too much, when really they are sacred. They are sacred because when these needs are meant it allows you to soften and open your heart and body in a way that allows a depth of intimacy that heals both you and your spouse. 

#4 You use sex as a release, instead of deepening into it. You use orgasm as a way to discharge stress, focusing on reaching the end-goal asap–when your heart is starving for connection, presence, reverence.

#5 You skip the afterglow that your body longs for. You roll over, scroll through your phone, fall asleep– starving yourself of the sacred intimacy that comes through connection, touch and simply “cuddling” for a little while, basking in your love for each other. 

Making love in a more conscious and present way can go a long way to healing many aspects of a marriage. Of course there are many dynamics in a relationship that must be attended to, but IMO the sex should be pretty high up on the list. It can be its own form of therapy when done right!

My husband and I recently watched a funny movie called Hysteria. It is set in the 1800’s and it is the story behind the invention of the vibrator. Women used to be diagnosed with "hysteria", for many reasons, but one of the main ones was because they were not having their sexual needs met and the resulting "hysteria" was their diagnosis. For a while, apparently some doctors took on the challenge to “help” them out in that area. 

Strange world we live in, I can’t even imagine… 😬